The Evil TV Clicker Thing from the Future
by Kaden Amano
Summary: Cam Harvay was your normal, average insane human freak...but one day she got her hands on a TV Clicker Thing, and suddenly the IQ's of everyone around her are in jeopardy! Insanity will ensue...poor Kenshin and Sano...god have mercy on their souls.
1. The madness begins

**The Evil TV Clicker Thing from the Future**

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_[a/n: Extreme stupidity and random insanity ahead. You have been warned. If you don't like these kind of fics, then just don't read them. It's that simple.]_

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Cam Harvay was just your normal, average, every-day burgundy-haired 18 year old human freak. Until one day the Salesman Guy arrived at her door. Cam was enjoying another day of television-re-run-watching and potato-chip-eating when there came three knocks on the front door. Jumping off the couch, Cam ran to see who was at the door.  
  
"Hey man, it's six o'clock in the morning, what do you want?" She asked as she unlocked the door and let it swing open.  
  
"Terribly sorry, ma'am. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mr. Salesman Guy, and I'm here to sell you random cheap stuff that nobody would ever want to buy anyway." He grinned that stupid salesman smile that Cam's boyfriend seems to posess, the one that she hated with a passion.  
  
"Sorry, I don't want any," she said and prepared to slam the door in his salesman face. He blocked the door by wedging his foot in the doorway.  
  
"Wait, just give me a chance to explain!" He yelled. "I want to sell you a rare item!"  
  
"Oh really, like what?" Cam crossed her arms. This was going to be good. Mr. Salesman Guy reached deep into his pocket and withdrew a small black object that resembled a remote control.  
  
"This," he said, "is the TV Clicker Thing."  
  
"Um, sorry but I don't need one. I have three." Cam went to shut the door again, but Mr. Salesman Guy wouldn't let her.  
  
"Wait! This TV Clicker Thing is magic!"  
  
Cam stopped the door in mid-slam. "Say what?"  
  
"Yes, it's magic. When you're watching a television show and you wish you were in it, all you have to do is use the TV Clicker Thing. It zaps you into the show and then you can meet the characters," he explained.  
  
"Yeah right, I bet this is just a bunch of crap to get me to buy the TV Clicker Thing. ...Give it here!" Cam snatched the TV Clicker Thing from Mr. Salesman Guy. "I could always use a fourth one anyway."  
  
"Hey, you have to pay for that!" Mr. Salesman Guy complained.  
  
"Oh yeah??" Cam grabbed him by the arm and used the incredible strength she now posesses to spin him around and toss him into the unforgiving wind.  
  
"I'll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!..." He yelled as he flew over the trees and disappeared.  
  
Cam shut the door and went back into the house. She saw that the television was still on. She had been watching stupid Hamtaro because she was bored as hell and there was nothing else on, but now she used the regular remote control to change the channel. Rurouni Kenshin was just starting. A grin forms on Cam's face, as she rather enjoys watching Rurouni Kenshin. She went to turn the volume up, but she accidentally used the TV Clicker Thing instead of the normal remote control. Suddenly Cam was zapped into the show.  
  
"AAHHHHHH!" She screamed for no apparent reason. She suddenly found herself sitting on a strange wooden floor. "Where in the blue hell am I?" Looking around, Cam noticed that she was at somebody's house--although it was a very strange house indeed. "This looks like one of those old Japanese House Things," she said. Then she saw a man wearing a pink shirt carrying a sword walking up to her.  
  
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cam screamed insanely and jumped up. "It's pink, it's pink, it's really pink!! Ack, no! The horror, THE HORROR!!"  
  
"Please don't scream," the man said. "I won't hurt you, that I won't."  
  
"NO! Don't come any closer or I'll shoot!" Cam reached into her pocket and withdrew a very large water gun. The man put his hands up and Cam squirted him anyway because it seemed like fun. She put it away. "What, did you think it was real?"  
  
"Well, yes. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I don't know," Cam answered loudly. "All I know is, the TV Clicker Thing brought me here." She held up the black remote control. The man made a face that looked like this: O.O and Cam gave him a weird look. "What, haven't you ever seen one before?"  
  
"No," he answered. "By the way, my name is--"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, Kenshin Himura, I know." Cam waved a hand as if she knew everything (she didn't--she barely knew her own social security number).  
  
"Oh." Kenshin looked surprised. "How did you know that?"  
  
"Because," Cam smirked, "I'm psychic and I know everything. Well, not everything. I mean, so what if I didn't know that MST stood for Mystery Science Theater! That doesn't give Matt an excuse to pick on me like that! That doesn't mean I'm stupid or anything!"  
  
Kenshin began to back away, holding his hands up in front of him as if proclaiming innocence. "Eh-heh-heh...well I won't pick on you I promise, that I do."  
  
Cam stopped her pointless rant and looked up at him, damning her shortness which caused her to look up to practically everyone. "Sorry. Hey, where's everybody else? Huh-huh-huh, where? Where? Where? I wanna know, I wanna know now!" She began to jump up and down anxiously and then she started running circles around the house screaming 'EVIL EVIL EVIL' at the top of her lungs and laughing like a maniac.  
  
Kenshin gave her a nervous smile about thirty minutes later when she had run herself ragged. "Uhhh, they're not here right now...I don't believe I got your name yet..."  
  
"Oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry, my name is Cam Harvay. Some people call me Switch though, that's my nickname. Long story short, my friends and I all named ourselves after Matrix characters...but you don't know what the Matrix is, do you?"  
  
"I'm afraid not," Kenshin answered, still looking nervous after Cam's little episode.  
  
"Oh Kenshin, did I scare you? I'm sorry, really. Every now and then I have my moments, but it's only due to the massive amounts over sugar and caffiene that I take in every morning to wake myself up," Cam explained. She decided not to tell him about the Benydril she'd been taking "for allergies". After all, she didn't want him to think she was psychotic, now did she?  
  
"Oh sir Ken," came the voice of a certain bitch that Cam couldn't stand even watching on television.  
  
"Oh please God not her," Cam said looking up at the sky. Too late--Little Miss What's-Her-Name who always calls Kenshin "Sir Ken" came around the corner. Cam glared at her in disgust.  
  
"Who is this?" Asked Little Miss Bitch, looking at Cam.  
  
"The name's Cam Harvay," Cam answered, crossing her arms.  
  
"Miss Cam says that she's psychic, that she does," Kenshin added. "She knew my name before I told her, that she did."  
  
Cam grinned. "Yep that's right."  
  
Little Miss Bitch smiled at Cam, kind of evilly. "Then what's MY name?"  
  
Cam thought for a minute, trying to remember Little Miss Bitch's real name. "...Ah, who cares. You're that doctor, Miss what's-her-face."  
  
"My name is Megumi," she said a little irritated.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Cam turned and ran into the house or whatever it's called. "Hello, anyone here?" She screamed.  
  
A minute later somebody came in from another room. "Yes, hello?"  
  
"Hey!" Cam turned to stare at Kenshin. "He said that nobody else was here!"  
  
"Oh, well I just got back," answered the woman. She looked about Cam's age.  
  
"Hey, you're Kaoru, aren't you?"  
  
"Yes, I am. What can I do for you?" She asked. Cam liked her a lot better than Little Miss Bitch Megumi, whom she couldn't stand.  
  
"Well nothing really, I just got here with my new TV Clicker Thing and I wanted to meet everyone," Cam explained.  
  
"Oh. I think everyone is outside, but what is a 'TV Clicker Thing'?" She asked.  
  
"I'll explain everything later!" Cam yelled over her shoulder as she cartwheeled and backflipped her way outside (she suddenly knew how to do these things), still high as a kite on sugar and caffiene and Benydril as well. "Alright everyone, where are you?" She spotted Sanosuke sitting on the porch thing. "Hey I know you, you're Sanosuke Sagara aren't you?"  
  
He looked up as Cam ran up to him, giving her a weird and confused look. "Yeah, so?"  
  
"I don't know," Cam shrugged. "Hey I love your hair it's really cool."  
  
"Um...thanks I guess. ...You're not from around here are you?" He asks, seeing the kind of clothing Cam was wearing. Cam guessed that people didn't wear skater shoes, l.e.i. jeans and shirts that said 'your lips keep moving but all i hear is "blah, blah, blah"' on them.  
  
"No, I'm not. I'm from..." Cam paused. They would never believe her. "Uh, I'm from Iceland." She nodded. "Yep. Iceland. Pretty cold up there in 'ole Iceland, ya know? Heh-heh-heh..."  
  
Sanosuke nodded slowly as Kenshin and Little Miss Bitch Megumi came around the corner.  
  
"Miss Kaoru wants to know if you'll be staying for dinner, Miss Cam," Kenshin said.  
  
"Wow, sure if it's okay. And Kenshin, you don't have to call me 'Miss Cam'. I feel weird about people putting prefixes before my name," Cam told him. "If you insist on calling me that, my real name is Camille."  
  
"Alright, Miss Camille. I'll go tell Miss Kaoru that you're staying." Kenshin disappeared into the house.  
  
Cam slapped her forehead. "I really shouldn't have told him that! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" She muttered as she jumped up and down.  
  
"Are you sure you're psychic instead of psycho?" Little Miss Bitch Megumi asked.  
  
"Oh shut up, you don't know anything," Cam told her as she sat down on a rock facing the house. She picked a piece of grass and blew on it. Then she reached into her pocket and gasped dramatically. "Oh no! My TV Clicker Thing is MISSING!!"  
  
DUM DUM DUM!!

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[a/n: Yeah I know, it's pretty dumb, but I was bored. And I wanted to do a Rurouni Kenshin fic but I didn't have any other ideas, so this is it. Will Cam ever find the TV Clicker Thing? Find out in the next chapter of....The Evil TV Clicker Thing from the Future 


	2. On with the madness!

And now for the next exciting installment of...  
  
The Evil TV Clicker Thing from the Future  
  
Dum...................dum.........................dum!!  
  
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[a/n: Well, a bunch of people seemed to like my strange little fic, so I decided to continue it...not that I wouldn't have anyway, but people liking my stuff kinda motivates me to write faster instead of waiting a month to do more. Okay, maybe it would be more than a month, like two, three, seven, a year... Anyway, you're not here to watch me ramble on and on about unimportant topics, you're here to read my fic. You people are brave.]  
  
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"Oh crap, how could I lose my TV Clicker Thing??" Cam screamed, causing everyone to jump three thousand feet in the air. Well, maybe it was more like a foot.  
  
"What's a 'TV Clicker'?" Sano wondered.  
  
"YOU FOOL!" Cam shrieked like a madwoman. "The TV Clicker Thing is what brought me here, if I don't find it then I can't go home!"   
  
Kenshin came out of the house (dojo??) after hearing all the commotion. "What's wrong, Miss Camille?" He asked.  
  
"NO! Stay back!" Cam jumped to her feet and held her arms in front of her as if to ward him off. "You pink-shirted....AAAHHHHH! How could you walk around in that thing? It's EVIL!"  
  
"Ehh..." Kenshin stared at Cam with that famous face of his (the one that looks like this O.O), wondering what she was referring to until he looked down and saw that his shirt was pink. "Oh, you mean this?"  
  
"Duh! I mean, I seriously thought you were gay when I first saw you. Come to think of it, I also thought Kurama was gay too, 'cuz he walks around wearing that horrible pink monstrosity and carries a bunch of flowers around with him. Someone has to tell him to stop wearing that."  
  
"...So what seems to be the problem out here?" Kenshin asked after a minute or two. "I heard somebody scream."  
  
"Oh, that was Yahiko," Cam said, pointing at him.  
  
"It was not!" Yahiko yelled back.  
  
  
  
"I lost my TV Clicker Thiiiiinnng!" Cam whined. "I have to fiiiiiinnnd it or I can't go hooooome!" Cam was pretty good at whining. Whenever she whined at home she made her family want to smack her and tie her upside down to a tree.  
  
  
  
"Alright, alright," Sano stood up. "Where did you last see this thing?"  
  
"I don't knooooooowwwwww!" Cam howled. She was pretty good at howling, too. At home every time there was a full moon she would lean out her bedroom window and bark at the moon in the middle of the night, until her sense-of-humorless, cranky, moody mother came and dragged her away from the window.  
  
Cam stuck her hands into her pockets and suddenly she started to laugh.  
  
"What is it, Miss Camille?" Kenshin asked as Cam pulled a small black object out of her pocket.  
  
"Here it is!" Cam said. "It was in my other pocket the whole time!" Suddenly she watched them all fall over backwards. She thought it was a little strange at first until she realized, that was the way of these people.  
  
"Well, I'm going to go help Miss Kaoru," Kenshin said. "I've got some more clothes to wash."  
  
"Laundry?" Cam began to snicker as he walked off. "How manly."  
  
"Don't you dare make fun of Kenshin!" Yahiko screamed insanely.  
  
"Yahiko! Don't make me twist you!" Cam hollered back. Yahiko stopped and stared at her. He didn't know what she meant by that, but he didn't really want to find out. There was no telling what she might do.  
  
"I think I'll go see if Kenshin needs any help," said Yahiko as he turned and ran.  
  
"Wait. Don't go. I am not an ani-maaaalll! Cam yelled after him. She turned to Sano as Little Miss Bitch Megumi left as well. "This is the sugar talking. I'm really not crazy, honest. Just really hyper. Wanna know what I had for breakfast?"  
  
"Not really. What does that thing do, anyway?"  
  
"The TV Clicker Thing? It brought me here," Cam answered simply.  
  
Sano gasped and a look of horror crossed his face. "I've heard of these things. They're evil. They bring people from the future who want to take over the world and force the other humans to be their slaves. They make you eat healthy food, and then the next thing you know, you're waking up in a sewer!"  
  
"What?" Cam started laughing. "Man, you're funny. No, it's not evil. And technically, I'm not from the future. But you wouldn't understand if I told you where I'm really from, so I won't tell you."  
  
"What? Why? Wait a minute!" He yelled as Cam skipped off, singing. "Hey!"  
  
"Reeeeeeeeasssooooons! The reasons that we hear!" Cam sang, way out of tune like that guy in the non-smoking commercial. "La-la-lala-laa-laa-laa!"  
  
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An hour later, Kaoru was looking for Cam because dinner was ready and if she didn't come and eat soon all the food would be gone.  
  
"Has anyone seen Cam?" She asked as she went back to the room where everyone was eating.  
  
"No," everyone answered.  
  
"Okay." Kaoru turned around and then she saw a note tacked to the doorway. She took it and began to read:  
  
'deer kowroo, i wint too the stoor too by that stuf that yoo allwaz sind kenshen too git bekuz i thot yoo mite need it prittie soon, and yoo wownt haf too sind kenshen too by it bekuz i am bying it insted.'  
  
"Oh, well that's nice of her," she said. She didn't know that Cam had spelled nearly every word wrong on purpose simply because she thought it was hilarious to spell words wrong for some odd reason. Kaoru looked out the door and saw Cam walking back with a bucket in her hands.  
  
"Thank you for buying that for me," Kaoru said when Cam handed her the bucket.  
  
"Your welcome," Cam said. "I don't know what you with this stuff, but I thought you might need it sooner or later." Her eyes shifted to the food. "Is it time to eat already?"  
  
"That's right," Kaoru said. "Go ahead and take as much as you want."  
  
"You just might regret those words," Cam said as she went over to the food. "Shove over, Sanosuke, hungry woman here!"  
  
  
  
About fifteen plates later, Cam finally sat back and announced that she was full. "When's dessert?"  
  
"Dessert??" All of them had the same face: O.O But they'd been doing that a lot since Cam arrived.  
  
"You're going to get fat if you keep eating like that, missy," Sano told her.  
  
Cam just waved a hand. "Eat now, pay later. I can lose weight if I gain it anyway. But not with Richard Simmons, 'cuz he scares me. 'Let's pony again!' Oh, he gives me the creeps! Him and his terrible brillo-pad haircut!" Cam began to shiver.  
  
Suddenly, everyone was suddenly interrupted as suddenly a man suddenly dressed in suddenly black clothing suddenly kicked open the door and suddenly began to laugh like a maniac. Suddenly. "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" The man laughed.  
  
Kenshin jumped to his feet. "It is very rude to damage the property of others, that it certainly is," he said.  
  
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha--cough, hack, ack, gwak, blegh--ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" He laughed insanely (though nowhere near as insanely as Cam could laugh). "My name is Mr. Stranger, and I'm here to kidnap Yahiko!" He announced.  
  
Everyone just stared at him. A cricket chirped. One of those dustball-things commonly seen in deserts blew past in the background. Someone coughed.  
  
"Umm, dude, you're not supposed to TELL us that," Cam told him.  
  
"Like you can stop me anyway, girlfriend!" Mr. Stranger said, snapping a finger in front of his face and bobbing his head from side to side. He threw something at us, and a second later the smoke was everywhere. When the smoke cleared, Mr. Stranger was gone, and so was Yahiko.  
  
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[a/n: Okay, something I need to say: to any Megumi fans (if any exist) I may have offended by referring to her as "Little Miss Bitch," I'm truly sorry. But come on, she is a total bitch to Kaoru and she acts like she's better than everyone else. 'Oh Sir Ken.' ...YECHH! I admit, she DOES have her good points every now and then, but I still don't like her.  
  
Anyway, that was the second part of my weird story. I have no idea when the third part will be up. It's so danged hot over here, and it's hard to concentrate on writing when it's this hot.] 


	3. More madness!

And now, kids, it's time for...  
  
The Evil TV Clicker Thing from the Future part three!  
  
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[a/n: I know it's hard, but please try to contain your excitement and I'll try to contain my ego...heh, just kidding. Anyway, I will now attempt to waste your time by informing you, whether you want to know or not, that I one of those cheesy religious songs stuck in my head and IT WON'T COME OUT. Make it stop, make it stop! Okay, on with the madness.]  
  
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Kenshin jumped to his feet, along with Sanosuke.   
  
"We're going to have to fight this strange man, that we most certainly are," Kenshin said.  
  
"That's right," Sanosuke agreed. "Nobody picks on Yahiko, that's MY job!"  
  
"All right!" Cam jumped up from where she had been sitting beside him, licking the bowl her rice had occupied moments ago. "Ya talked me into it. Let's go get him!"  
  
"Err..." Kenshin looked at her. "Maybe it would be best if you stayed here, Miss Camille," he said.  
  
"Ooooh no," Cam said with a shake of her head and a wave of her hand. "Nothin' doing, Kenshin. There's not a snowball's chance in hell I'm going to just sit back and watch you two go gallivanting off on some cool adventure. I'm coming too, and that's the bottom line 'cause Stone Cam said so!" She crossed her arms. "Besides, I have cool powers that you don't know about."  
  
"Oh yeah, like what?" Sanosuke wondered.  
  
"You'll see," Cam replied. "Now are we going to waste time standing around like this or are we gonna go save Yahiko's neck?"  
  
"Well, all right," Kenshin agreed. He had no idea what kind of 'powers' Cam had, but since he hadn't known her very long he figured she could be telling the truth.  
  
"Yay," Cam sang. She skipped out of the door and down the road, singing to the tune of the Men In Black theme song, "Nod your head! Pink shirt's comin'! Nod your head, like this! Let me see you nod your head! Pink shirt's comin'! ..."  
  
Sanosuke scratched his head and looked at Kenshin. "I don't know about that one."  
  
"Me neither, Sano," Kenshin answered. "Me neither."  
  
____  
  
"So exactly how are we supposed to find this weirdo?" Sano asked Kenshin as they wandered down the road in search of Mr. Stranger.  
  
"Well, I'm not really sure," Kenshin admitted truthfully. "I haven't seen her since she took off running down the road a half hour ago."  
  
"...Okay, but I was talking about Mr. Stranger...hey wait, isn't that her up there?" He pointed to a short-looking shadow up ahead. Sure enough, when they got closer, there she was. Cam was waiting for them, arms crossed, tapping her foot almost impatiently.  
  
"What took you guys so long?" Cam wondered. "I had time to eat and take a bath, and I still waited ten minutes for you to show up."  
  
"What are you talking about, you just ate thirty minutes ago," Sano said, looking a bit shocked.  
  
"Well what can I say, I have a fast metabolism." Cam shrugged. "Now. I have an idea how we can find that pansy and Yahiko."  
  
"How?" Sanosuke asked.  
  
"By sniffing out his trail!" Cam jumped up and punched the air for absolutely no reason at all. She felt a little guilty after doing so--the air had done nothing to her to deserve being punched.  
  
"Sniffing?" Kenshin looked very puzzled.  
  
"Exactly, Kenshin." Cam looked at the two of them. "Now, what I'm about to do will undoubtedly shock you, but you just have to follow me." Cam closed her eyes and used the power she had just acquired somehow to transform into...the Taco Bell chihuahua!  
  
"AAAHHHHHH!" Sanosuke instantly drew back, screaming. "What the hell is THAT?"  
  
"A dog, duh," came her voice in their heads. Cam could also suddenly use telepathy. "Wouldn't exactly be my first choice, though..." She gazed down at her little doggy body and wagged her teeny tail furiously. "But aren't I cute?"  
  
"Dog? I think you mean cat," Kenshin said as he bent down to get a closer look.  
  
"Ooh," moaned Sanosuke, "I'm allergic to cats."  
  
"I AM NOT A CAT!" Cam screamed. "Now let's go get Yahiko, ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" Sano and Kenshin just stared at her.  
  
  
  
"That was a little strange," Kenshin commented.  
  
"What?" Cam shrugged her little doggy shoulders, which looked really weird considering she was a chihuahua. "I couldn't help it!" She wagged her tail and drooled. "That I couldn't help either. Hey, I know! Throw a ball for me to fetch, come on come on come on! Please please please, it's SO fun!"  
  
Kenshin turned to Sanosuke. "I believe she's becoming even more hyper active in the dog form," he said. "I think we're going to have a long trip ahead of us."  
  
Sanosuke turned from where he was throwing a stick for Cam to chase. "...Huh, what? Oh, right. Long trip. Yeah, exactly."  
  
Kenshin sighed.  
  
____  
  
[a/n: and that concludes part tha-ree! Whoo! ...sorry, I appologize. I am having a moment...ok, it's passed. Come back next time for the insanity that's sure to come.] 


	4. tHe MaDnEsS cOnTiNuEs

**The Evil TV Clicker Thing From The Future...PART FOUR!**

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When we last left our heroine, she had transformed into none other than the horrendously scary and freakishly adorable Taco Bell chihuahua and was sniffing out the trail that would lead her, Sanosuke, and Kenshin to the diabolical Mr. Stranger.  
  
"We must get Yahiko back!" Cam said to nobody in particular. She had a nasty habit of constantly talking to herself like that. But it didn't matter what she said, because all Kenshin and Sanosuke heard was a series of annoying, high-pitched yips.  
  
Sano sighed, a bit aggravated. "Would you mind either shutting up or turning back into a human before I kick you clear across the field?"  
  
Cam gave him her best angry doggy glare, but decided to change back into a human anyway. "Whew," she said when she was back in her own body. "Home sweet home! I know where Mr. Stranger is, anyway. So come on, men--ONWARD!" She ran ahead of them, shrieking out a battle cry even though Mr. Stranger was about two miles away and could not hear her. Sanosuke and Kenshin followed her, although they kept a safe distance away...she made them a little nervous.  
  
"I feel a little sorry for Mr. Stranger, that I do," Kenshin said to Sano.  
  
"Yeah," Sano agreed. "I wouldn't wanna face that wacko's wrath either!" He shuddered involuntarily. "You never know what that one is thinking!"  
  
"I agree," Kenshin nodded. "Let's just hope that nobody we know sees us with her, alright?"  
  
Sanosuke nodded vigorously--he didn't need to be told that! But keeping their distance from the insane lunatic who called herself Cam Harvay was proving to be quite the difficult task...Sano jumped three feet as somebody snuck up behind him and tapped his shoulder.  
  
"AAAAHHHHH!" He leapt back, ready to fight.  
  
"Gotcha!" Cam burst out laughing, and found that she couldn't stop. Soon she was rolling around on the ground, pounding her fists into the dirt and nearly choking, wile the tears streamed down her face.  
  
Kenshin stared dumbly at her. "It really wasn't that funny Miss Camille, that it wasn't," he said in a monotonous voice much like that of a robot.  
  
"I know!" Cam howled, wiping the tears from her eyes. "But his expression--OMG that was the greatest!" She began laughing again, and both guys rolled their eyes.  
  
"Hmph!" Sanosuke crossed his arms. "I was never scared!"  
  
Cam stopped laughing, as if she had never been laughing in the first place, and stood up. "Okay let's go. Mr. Stranger's lair is just over the hill." She pointed to an enormous rocky mountain.  
  
Kenshin's and Sano's jaws both hit the ground and their eyes bulged. "You call THAT a hill?" They asked, incredulous.  
  
Cam nodded. "Of course! That tiny thing...I can climb it easy!"  
  
TWO HOURS LATER:  
  
She thought she was going to die of exhaustion. Panting heavily, she moved one of her hands up to grab the ledge, and almost lost her grip. She was sweating bullets as it was, but that little mishap practically threw her into a panic--her heart began thumping wildly in her chest and horrible visions of her death flashed through her mind. She knew she wasn't going to make it...  
  
"Oh please God somebody help me..." She tightened her grip on the rocks until her knuckles turned white. She shut her eyes tightly and screamed. "PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP! OH GOD I'M GONNA DIE!"  
  
Sanosuke slapped a hand to his forehead and slowly dragged it downwards, briefly distorting his facial features. "Oh come on! You're two feet off the ground for crying out loud! That is the most pathetic thing I have ever seen!"  
  
Kenshin just nodded. "Yes, it's rather sad, that it is..."  
  
Cam took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. "You know...maybe we should just go AROUND the mountain...hehehe...heh..."  
  
"Whatever you want," Sano grumbled. "We could have been there already if it weren't for this."  
  
Cam nodded slowly and prepared to climb down...however she found that she was shaking too bad to move. "K-K-Kenshin," she stammered. "Would you please help me down?"  
  
Kenshin, although quite surprised, grabbed her around the waist and set her back onto the ground. "There you are, Miss Camille," he said with a polite smile.  
  
Cam brought her hands up to her face dramatically. "I...I'm alive! I'm ALIVE!" She threw her arms around Kenshin's neck and squeezed him. "Thank you so much! You saved my life!"  
  
"Err, uh, well...it was nothing, really..." Kenshin said with a nervous laugh. Cam let go of him, and he started breathing again.  
  
"Well, I feel better," Cam said. She began to dance around, singing, "I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was!" She struck a pose. "To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause!" She struck another pose. "I will travel across the land, searching far and wide! Teach Pokemon to understand the power that's inside!" She cartwheeled over to Sanosuke and spread her arms wide. "Pokemon--gotta catch 'em all! It's you and me. I know it's my destiny, Pokemon! Ooohhh, you're my best friend in a world we must defend! Pokemon, gotta catch 'em all! A heart so true! Our courage will pull us through! You teach me and I'll teach you! Pooo-kaayyyy-moooon! Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!"  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke were both sweatdropping like crazy by the end of this little performance. Cam just looked at them and grinned, before running off into the forest singing "Celebrity" by Brad Paisley at the top of her lungs--it looked as though yet another sugar high had struck!  
  
Kenshin sighed once again. "Could we get any further from the plot line?"  
  
Sanosuke shook his head. "WHAT plot line?"  
  
Cam stopped singing and bounded back over to the two guys. "You mean there's actually supposed to be a plot?"  
  
Kenshin nodded meekly. "Yes, supposedly there IS a plot, Miss Camille. It's right here in the script." He reached into his pants pocket and removed a thick packet of papers, holding it out for Cam to take.  
  
"Hmm, lemme see that." Cam grabbed the packet from Kenshin and began flipping through it. A very confused look crossed her face. "What's this? There's only four pages of actual script! Everything else is blank pages! In fact, the last sentence here is the one that I'm saying right now!" Suddenly she stopped talking. After all, that was the last bit of dialog in the script.  
  
Now what?

* * *

_WHOOHOO, another TBC...gotta love those._


	5. Will the madness EVER cease?

**The Evil TV Clicker Thing from the Future Part El-Fivo! (Will the madness ever cease?)**

**

* * *

**  
No more script? What were they to do now? What was going to happen to them? Would Cam be able to truimph over this unexpected event? What was she supposed to say? What were Sanosuke and Kenshin supposed to say? Where were they supposed to go? Will the narrator ever stop asking questions?  
  
Cam dug the toe of her sneaker into the ground, trying to think of something to say. Sanosuke beat her to it, however.  
  
"Well, I guess we're just improvising from now on." He shrugged.  
  
"Yeah!" Cam jumped up and down excitedly. "I love improvising, it's SO FUN! Dude, now we can do ANYTHING we want to, instead of following some dumb script that has no real plot line whatsoever." She sighed, a sigh of self-satisfaction. "I am SO smart! Bet you guys wish you thought of that!"  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke both gave her a weary look.  
  
"Aw come on!" Cam thumped each of them on the back. "Don't tell me you thought I was THAT stupid! Until now I've been forced to follow that damn script...I'm really not as psychotic as I've been acting ever since I got here. I'm sorry I gave you guys that impression, but as you can plainly see, it wasn't exactly my fault."  
  
Kenshin smiled. "Of course, Miss Camille. I understand, that I do. It's such a relief that you aren't as crazy as we thought you were."  
  
Sanosuke grinned. "Yeah! You had us pretty worried there...for our own health as well."  
  
Cam nodded. "Yep, I bet. Well, even though the we have no more script to speak of, there is still the matter of rescuing Yahiko from that Mr. Stranger fellow. We probably ought to get on that right away."  
  
"Yes, I agree," Kenshin replied.  
  
"And we're going AROUND the mountain, just so we're clear," Sano reminded them.  
  
"For sure," Cam laughed. "I'm not really that scared of heights, but I'm certainly not mountain-climbing material."  
  
"Shall we go then?" Kenshin asked.  
  
"After you 'sir' Ken," Cam replied with a bow. Kenshin just shook his head good-naturedly and the three of them began their trek around the mountain.  
  
They had been walking throught the forest that surrouned the mountain for about twenty minutes before they came to a clearing. There was a sort of bubbling noise up ahead that sounded a bit like water.  
  
"What the he--" Cam stopped herself, clamping a hand over her mouth. "I mean heck. What the heck?"  
  
"I don't know," Sanosuke replied. "I think it's some kinda village."  
  
Cam moved the few tree branches that were blocking her view. "Who-hoa! Check it out!"  
  
They leaned over beside her to see what she was looking at. "It appears to be a hot spring, Miss Camille," Kenshin said.  
  
"Huh, I don't see the big deal about that," Sanosuke remarked.  
  
"Hey, I've never been to one of these before!" Cam said in her defense.  
  
"Really, you haven't?"  
  
Cam shook her head. "Nope." She grinned. "But now's as good a time as any!" With that she started running and took a flying leap, splashing headfirst into the spring. She surfaced a few seconds later, completely soaked, and caught the confused--yet amused--expressions on the faces of her comrades. She cocked an eyebrow, standing in waist-deep water. "What?"  
  
"That was spontaneous, that it was," Kenshin commented.  
  
Sano shook his head. "That was just stupid. Are you sure you're not really psychotic, Missy?"  
  
Cam waded over to the edge of the spring. "Dude, Sano, come over here for a sec!"  
  
Sanosuke shrugged and walked over to see what she wanted. "Yeah?"  
  
With an evil smile, Cam's arms shot up and she grabbed Sano by the shirt collar, pulling him into the water with her before he had time to react. When he poked his head out of the water, grumbling and sputtering, Cam was laughing her head off at him.  
  
"I can't believe you FELL for that!" She stumbled backwards in the water, and just barely managed to catch her balance before going underwater.  
  
Sano just stood where he was and gave her a strange look, and then he reached out and grabbed onto one of her wrists. "Fall for this," he said, pulling her towards him and pressing his lips against hers...  
  
Kade: Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone! What's going on here?  
  
Hiei & Yami: We were wondering that as well.  
  
Kade: continues to narrate, ignoring the bishies What exactly is happening? Is this just the author's idea of a sick joke, or is it for real? Is this going to be another lame self-insertion Mary-Sue type story? Am I really going to make the readers wait until the next chapter before they find out? Exactly how many questions am I going to ask you all?  
  
Hiei: Well tell us, woman!  
  
Yami: Are you going to continue to hold us in suspense?  
  
Kade: thinks for a minute ...Nah. I'll cut ya'll a break on this one. Back to the story!  
  
Kenshin was watching the entire thing, awestruck. What on earth were they doing, and why?  
  
Actually, Cam had been wondering the same thing. She pulled away from Sano's clutches. "What was that for?"  
  
Sanosuke looked just as confused as Cam and Kenshin. "I really don't know!"  
  
Kenshin had an idea, though... He reached into his pocket and pulled out the script once again. "A-ha! I thought so," he said as he confirmed his suspicions by turning a few blank pages.  
  
"What?" Cam and Sanosuke looked to him for an explanation.  
  
"The reason Cam jumped into the spring like that and why Sano kissed her is because this scene is actually in the script!"  
  
"Huh-wha?" Cam climbed out of the water and went to read over Kenshin's shoulder. "But I thought we were out of script!"  
  
"Yeah, what gives?" Sanosuke wondered.  
  
"Well it would appear that there were a couple blank pages, and then after about three pages, there's a few more pages of script that we must have overlooked when we went through the book earlier."  
  
Cam nodded. "That makes sense," she said, and then turned to Sanosuke. "That was a nice kiss...but let's not do that again. I like you and all, but not like THAT."  
  
"Agreed," Sano nodded and jumped out of the water.  
  
"So..." Cam wrung her shirt out. "What were we about to do again? I can't really remember...short term memory, you know. Heh...I'm kinda like that fish on Finding Nemo, what was her name?"  
  
"You mean Dory?" Sano supplied.  
  
"Yeah! Her! How did you know?"  
  
Sano looked at her and smirked. "The internet."  
  
Cam nodded. "Ooohhhhh, I se–" She stopped, realizing something important. "Wait a sec, you don't have the internet! You don't even know what that is, because it hasn't been invented yet!"  
  
Sano scratched his head, confused. "You've got a point there, Missy. Ah, it was probably in the script."  
  
They both looked over at Kenshin.  
  
"Hey, what's your problem?" Cam asked him. "You're getting all 'swirly-eyed' again..."  
  
"Oro?" Kenshin looked at them, and then he fell on the ground.  
  
Cam shook her head. "This is getting stupid. What's up with him, Sanosuke?"  
  
"I don't know," Sano replied.  
  
"He's weird," Cam remarked. She watched as Sano began to hop on one foot, and then the other. Then he continued to repeat those actions.  
  
"What are you doing? Do you need to use the bathroom?" Cam wondered.  
  
Sano shook his head. "Nope."  
  
"And I thought I was the crazy one!" Cam stared down at Kenshin, who was now spinning in circles on the ground, as if chasing an invisible tail. "What's WRONG with you people?!"  
  
"We don't know," they sang in reply.  
  
Cam let herself fall to the ground as well. She gazed upwards, hands clutching her forehead, and screamed, "NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!"  
  
Kenshin sat up as if nothing had happened. "It never made sense to begin with, Miss Camille."  
  
Cam nodded, realizing that he was certainly correct about that. "That's true...and STOP CALLIN' ME MISS CAMILLE! MY NAME IS CAM, OKAY? CAM CAM CAM CAM!"  
  
O.O Kenshin was leaned back as far as he could, so far that he was lying on the ground again. "I...I apologize, that I do Miss–I mean Cam." He laughed nervously.  
  
Sanosuke, who was no longer hopping on one foot like an idiot, began to grow impatient. "Come on you two, exactly how far does this story need to travel from its original plot line?"  
  
Suddenly a mystical voice from above boomed, "YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW."  
  
A blue portal opened from above, and suddenly a short young man dressed completely in black with spiky hair of the same color and wearing a white headband around his forehead came plummeting to the ground. Before he landed, however, he managed to right himself so that he landed on his feet and by some miracle didn't die. Kenshin and Sanosuke were at a loss as to what they should think...however, Cam knew exactly who had fallen from the heavens...

* * *

_TBC, kiddies!_


	6. An Unexpected Twist

**The Evil TV Clicker Thing From The Future...Part SIX! (eerie music plays in the background)**

****

* * *

"HIEI!" She screamed his name, running up and glomping onto the startled fire demon. "OMG it's really you! It's really REALLY you, Hiei! I LOVE YOU!"  
  
Surprised, Hiei managed to escape her grasp. "Hn. What are you doing?"  
  
"Glomping your guts out, duh," Cam answered simply.  
  
"Oh..." Hiei very unexpectedly and extremely uncharacteristically began to blush several shades of red. "So does that mean...you really, truly love me?"  
  
Cam grinned. "YES! Of course it does, Hiei! You're my one true love, and nothing in the world can change that!"  
  
A smile made its way across Hiei's face. "That makes me so very happy...what's your name?"  
  
"Cam," she answered.  
  
"Ah, Cam..." Sighed Hiei. "What a lovely name, it's absolutely angelic. Cam, Cam, Cam...just like magic."  
  
"Yeah!" Hearts appeared in Cam's eyes as she gazed lovingly at the fire demon she had never in her life thought she would have half a chance with ('specially since he weren't supposed to be REAL) "Oh Hiei, I never thought that this moment that I have dreamed of for SO long would ever become a reality!"  
  
O.O Kenshin and Sanosuke were just standing there, watching the whole thing. After all, what else could they do? This was strange! Just as one would think things could not possibly get ANY weirder, Hiei Jaganshi drops from the sky and actually appears to be falling in love with the psycho!  
  
"This just isn't right," Sano muttered, shaking his head.  
  
"I know what you mean, that I most certainly do," Kenshin agreed.  
  
"Oh Cam, I must say..." Hiei took her hand in his. "You are the single most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes upon..."  
  
Cam struggled to keep herself from swooning, a humongous grin plastered onto her face. "Hiei..."  
  
"Cam..."  
  
They placed their arms around each other in a loving embrace, and Cam had never felt happier than she did at that moment...  
  
...until the wonderful moment was spoiled as Hiei's hand slid down Cam's back to grab her rear end.  
  
O.O "AAAHHHHH!" Cam screamed and leapt away from him, instinctively swinging a fist at his face. Hiei was hit square in the nose, and immediately bent over as it began to bleed. "Alright Mister," Cam growled as she stepped away from him. "WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?!"  
  
"W-what are you talking about?" Hiei asked her. "I'm Hiei! Why did you hit me? I was just expressing my love for you!"  
  
"No..." Cam gave him a look of pure disgust. "You're not Hiei. I doubt Hiei would have ever been that nice to me in the first place, and I don't think he's an ass-grabber either." She sighed. "I knew it was too good to be true. Now show me who you are before I'm forced to hit you again!"  
  
"You'd better tell her," Kenshin said, placing a hand on the hilt of his sword and ready to go Battousai on the fake Hiei's ass at any moment.  
  
O.O "Oh gawd," said Sanosuke, "you don't want him to get serious, whoever you are," he told the fake Hiei.  
  
"FINE!" the fake Hiei pouted, and grabbed the cloak he was wearing. In one swift motion, Fake Hiei pulled off the costume he had been wearing, revealing none other than...

* * *

_Who is it? You'll find out next chapter, de gozarou!_


	7. What Happened To Yahiko? Cam Is A Retard...

**The Evil TV Clicker Thing From The Future...pArT sEvEn**

* * *

...and the mysterious person that had been under the mysterious cloak mysteriously posing as Hiei, who had been acting quite mysterious, was actually...TRISTAN TAYLOR!  
  
Cam jumped away from him and clung to Kenshin in fear. "OMG...OMG! A few minutes ago I was actually hugging THAT?!"  
  
Tristan looked disappointed. "But Cam, you told me you loved me!"  
  
Cam looked at him in disgust. "That was when I thought you were my precious and beloved Hiei! You tricked me! You with your pointy hair-do of DOOOOOOM and your terrible awful clothes!" She suddenly began to laugh as she remembered something. "Hehehehe...you were once a monkey, remember?"  
  
Tristan frowned. "Don't remind me."  
  
"Monkey Boy, Monkey Boy!" Cam sang. "Monkey, monkey, mon-key!"  
  
Sanosuke leaned towards Kenshin. "Any idea what they're talking about?"  
  
Kenshin shook his head. "No, Sano...all I know is, at this rate we'll never rescue Yahiko. I mean it's been seven chapters already and we're only three miles from home!"  
  
Sanosuke sighed. "I wonder how Yahiko is doing?"  
  
About one mile down the road inside a large cave, the young boy who was currently tied to a chair sneezed loudly. Yahiko had been waiting patiently for hours, telling himself that Kenshin would be coming to save him any minute. Well, Yahiko was growing quite tired of waiting.  
  
'Kenshin, aren't you coming to save me?' He thought miserably. Mr. Stranger was more annoying than anyone Yahiko had ever met in his life–and even uglier than Kaoru. He didn't know how much more he could stand before he went insane. He looked around the brightly lit cave as Mr. Stranger stood up from the vanity table he had been sitting at for the past half an hour.  
  
"Well, lil' man, how are you doing over there?"  
  
Yahiko grimaced. He couldn't answer because his mouth was tied shut...but even if he was able to talk he wouldn't have said anything.  
  
"So, like, tell me what you think 'n' stuff," said Mr. Stranger, showing Yahiko his newly painted fingernails. "Don't you just love it? I hand-painted every one of those kittens all by myself!"  
  
Yahiko rolled his eyes.  
  
"Ya know I was thinking," Mr. Stranger continued, "we should totally have a slumber party tonight! I know that this cave isn't the best place for sleep-overs, but we can still do all the fun things people do at slumber parties–staying up late, sharing manly stories, AND in the morning I'm making waffles!"  
  
Yahiko moved his head skyward and closed his eyes. 'Kill me now.'  
  
"A-hem," Kenshin interrupted Cam's teasing and Tristan's complaining. "I believe we still need to rescue Yahiko, Miss Camille."  
  
"Your real name is Camille?" Tristan asked as Cam frowned at Kenshin for putting a prefix before her name. "Oh what a beautiful name! It's just like music!" He placed a hand over his heart. "Ah, Camille!" Hearts appeared in his eyes and he reached toward her.  
  
Cam recoiled in disgust. "Eww you sick freak, get away from me!" She ran to hide behind Sanosuke.  
  
"But Camille, I need to confess my love to you! Oh, I just think you are the most beautiful angel I have ever seen in my life!" He clasped his hands together and smiled, batting his eyelashes at her.  
  
Cam just stared at him. "I've never been more insulted in all my life."  
  
"Want me to get rid of him for you?" Sano turned around to ask.  
  
Cam nodded vigorously. "Yes, please do!"  
  
"Alright," Sanosuke said. He stepped forward and grabbed Tristan by the shoulders. Lifting him up over his head, Sano used all his strength to hurl Tristan through the air.  
  
As he went flying over the treetops (similar to what happened to the Salesman Guy) they all heard Tristan wail, "I'll never forget you Camille my looooooooooooove..."  
  
Cam shivered, now on the ground with her arms wrapped around Sano's legs. "I hope he never ever comes back."  
  
"If he has any sense it that peanut-sized brain of his, he won't," Sano answered. "Now...how about we actually try and rescue Yahiko now? I mean before he turns eighteen that is."  
  
Cam grinned up at him. "I'm eighteen!"  
  
-- "Yeah. I know. That wasn't my point..." Sano reached down and grabbed her by the hands, pulling her up to her feet. "Didn't you say you knew where you were going? Where's this freak Mr. Stranger anyway?"  
  
Cam thought hard. "Hmm...well, jeez...I mean I knew it just a second ago...hang on, it's right on the tip of my tongue. Just give me a few seconds, I know I'll remember it!"  
  
. . .  
  
Three Hours Later:  
  
. . .  
  
-- "Oh brother..." Sano was lying down in the grass by the side of the road with a piece of grass in his mouth, looking bored as all hell.  
  
-- Kenshin was sitting cross-legged not too far away from Sano, looking equally bored.  
  
"Hmmmm..." Cam was standing in the exact same position she had been in a few hours ago, still thinking hard. "Gimme a minute...just one more minute! I KNOW I can remember it, I have this gut feeling that in a few more seconds the answer will just come to me! I mean come on, after all I am an educated college student, it shouldn't be TOO hard to think of it!" She began to pace back and forth, trying to refresh her memory.  
  
"How the hell did you ever get into college?" Sano wondered.  
  
Cam paused. "I'm in college?"  
  
Kenshin and Sano immediately facevaulted.  
  
"Well that's it," said Kenshin as he got to his feet. "We certainly won't rescue young Yahiko this way. I will go and find him myself. Sano, maybe you should stay with Miss Camille and make sure she doesn't get into any–gahhhh!!" He cried out as Cam dove at him, grabbing him by the shirt.  
  
"My. Name. Is. CAM!!!!!!!" She screamed, causing Kenshin to fall over backwards onto the dirt road.  
  
"Oro...oro...so sorry," Kenshin mumbled. But he quickly reverted back to his serious mode and stood up again. "I must be off to rescue Yahiko now."  
  
Cam stretched out a hand as she watched him leave. "Kenshin! But you can't leave me with...HIM." She jerked a thumb in Sano's direction.  
  
Sano gave her a disgusted look. "Is this how you treat a guy after he just saved your ass from a crazy pointy-haired freak who was overly obsessed with you?"  
  
Cam gave him an innocent look. "Yes."  
  
Suddenly a loud scream came from the direction Kenshin had disappeared to. And it sounded like Kenshin's scream!  
  
"That sounded like Kenshin's scream!" Cam cried out, repeating what the author had just written, which was quite unnecessary, but tell that to the author or somebody who cares.  
  
Sano immediately took off after the sound, and Cam wasn't far behind.  
  
"Kenshiiiiiiiiiiiiin, we'll save yooooooouuuuuuuuuu!!" She wailed like a siren.  
  
Then Sano stopped dead in front of her, causing Cam to smack blindly into him because she had her eyes closed because she is a retard.  
  
"Hey, what gives, Sagara?"  
  
Sano pointed a shaking hand in the spot near where Kenshin was standing by the forest...

* * *

_Cliffie! CLIFFIE CLIFFIE CLIFFIE! -laughs-_


	8. Finally Getting Somewhere! Sort of

**Da Evil TV Clicka 'Ting From Da Future Part 8, Foo'!  
**

* * *

_lAsT tImE (for those of you with short-term memory XP):_  
  
. . .  
  
Suddenly a loud scream came from the direction Kenshin had disappeared to. And it sounded like Kenshin's scream!  
  
"That sounded like Kenshin's scream!" Cam cried out, repeating what the author had just written, which was quite unnecessary, but tell that to the author or somebody who cares.  
  
Sano immediately took off after the sound, and Cam wasn't far behind.  
  
"Kenshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin, we'll save yoooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu!!" She wailed like a siren.  
  
Then Sano stopped dead in front of her, causing Cam to smack blindly into him because she had her eyes closed because she is a retard.  
  
"Hey, what gives, Sagara?"  
  
Sano pointed a shaking hand in the spot near where Kenshin was standing by the forest...  
  
. . .  
  
_nOw:_  
  
. . .  
  
"HOLY SHIT!!" Cam shrieked. "That is the BIGGEST FREAKIN' SPIDER I'VE EVER SEEN!!!" She stared in shock at the sight before her...Kenshin quivering in fear looking up at the gigantic arachnid that dangled inches above his head [I could go into detail about how gross this spider looks, but wouldn't want anyone to lose their lunch!]  
  
Kenshin shut his eyes, afraid to move, tiny beads of sweat beginning to run down his forehead. "Will...somebody...please...kill it?" He whispered. "I...really...dislike spiders...that I do..."  
  
Cam shook her head violently. "NO, I can't! GAH!!" She flopped down to the ground and curled up into a tight ball. "EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!"  
  
"Please!" Kenshin pleaded, as if he was afraid for his life.  
  
And Sano? He was laughing his ass off! Battousai the Man Slayer, afraid of a SPIDER?! That was just too good! He fell over, laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his cheeks. When he had pointed out the spider to Cam, he had been desperately trying to contain his laughter, but he just couldn't hold it in anymore. "I wish I had a camera!" He howled. "Technology may be the work of the devil but THIS is a Kodak moment!"  
  
Cam was too busy rocking back and forth to realize that Sano shouldn't know what a Kodak moment was... "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay..." She repeated over and over and over again. All the while poor Kenshin, who was actually the one in trouble, was frozen at the spot, white as a sheet with a paralyzed expression on his face.  
  
Sanosuke wiped the tears out of his eyes, still laughing hard. "That's one huge spider!" He commented, smirking at Kenshin. "Almost as big as that cliffie the author left the readers last chapter!"  
  
Cam shuddered. "I'm not going NEAR that thing, ew..."  
  
Sano shrugged. "Well I guess it's up to me, huh?" He walked over to where Kenshin was standing and the spider was dangling, grabbed a large stick from off the ground, and swung it like a baseball bat at the spider as hard as he could. You'd think this would smush the spider into many many pieces, right?  
  
Nope.  
  
The spider flew off its web and went sailing through the air and over the trees with a resounding "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."  
  
OO; "I had no idea spiders could talk," Sano said as the stick he used to bat the spider hung loosely in his hand at his side.  
  
"WHOO-HOO GRANDSLAM!!!" Screamed Cam, who was conveniently hyper-active again. She bounced around the place, dancing to music that apparently only she could hear. "Sano killed the spider YAY, Sano killed the spider YAY, Sano killed the spider YAY!! Cute hott sexy Sano killed the spider, YAY!!"  
  
OO Of course this grabbed Sano's attention immediately. "Say what?"  
  
"..............................................................NOTHING!" Cam covered her mouth and gave him a silly grin. "You's just hearin' tings, bub!"  
  
Sano stared at her, once again giving her that 'oh-gawd-I'm-stuck-with-the-psycho' look. "You're very strange, missy. Ya know that?"  
  
"Duh!" She replied with another smile...one of those 'I-see-that-look-you're-giving-me-and-I-don't-care' smiles.  
  
Kenshin gave them both a weary look, one of those 'if-you-two-don't-cut-it-out-I'm-gonna-tie-you-both-upside-down-to-a-tree' looks. You know the one, right? ...No? Nobody's ever looked at YOU that way? Hm...oh well. He shook his head. "Listen you two, are we ever going to get around to saving Yahiko?"  
  
"Yeah, let's save the brat! YA YA YA!!!" Cam chanted as she continued to bounce around. It was almost as if she were a hyper child on a sugar rampage...oh, wait.  
  
-- "How about 'thanks for saving my life, Sano' huh?" Sanosuke gave Kenshin a glare.  
  
O.O;; "I'm sorry Sano, that I am!" Kenshin apologized. "And thank you very much for saving me. Now we really have to go and rescue Yahiko! We've been stalling quite long enough, and I would really like to get home before dinner, de gozarou!"  
  
Cam suddenly stopped singing her song about kittens and rainbows, turning to look at Kenshin. "But Kenshin, we already ate dinner! DUH!!"  
  
Kenshin shook his head. "No, Miss Camille, we actually haven't eaten in three days. That's how long this is taking!"  
  
O.o "WWWWHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!" Every living thing within a five mile radius jumped fifty feet in response to Cam's ear-splitting banshee shriek. "No food? NO FOOD???? OHMYGAWD we're all going to DIE!!" She clutched her stomach and fell to the ground, rolling around pathetically and muttering something about a will and life insurance.  
  
Kenshin lay knocked-out on the ground.  
  
Sanosuke lay knocked-out right beside Kenshin.  
  
Cam sat up and noticed them on the ground. "GUYS! This is NO time for a nap, ya got me? We gotta go find some food, I'm starving and I'm gonna die! Do ya hear me? Huh?" --;; They weren't responding. Cam stood up, wondering if it was something she said. Nevertheless, she had to make them wake up so she could go find her precious food! "Hmmm..." A smirk spread across her face as she got an idea in that puny little brain of hers. "WHOO PILLOW PILE!" She yelled as she took a flying leap and landed on Sanosuke's stomach. He made an 'oooff' noise as all the air was pushed out of his lungs, but remained unconscious. "Well this sucks," Cam mused to herself. She poked Sano's chest. "Wakey wakey! Come on dude, get up!" Then she found that poking Sano's chest was great fun and began to repeat the action over and over again.  
  
Finally Sanosuke came to, and the first thing he noticed--or rather, felt--was somebody prodding him in the chest. He opened his eyes and saw Cam amusing herself by poking him and grinning like a two-year-old. -- "What are you doing?" He pushed her off of him and sat up. "Do me a favor and NEVER scream like that again, okay!?"  
  
"Uhh, like what?" She didn't seem to have the slightest clue what she had done wrong. Sano sighed. It was utterly hopeless. SHE was utterly hopeless. He leaned over to Kenshin and began to shake him awake.  
  
"Oro?" Kenshin mumbled as he woke up. He rubbed his eyes. "What happened?"  
  
Sano shook his head. "Nevermind that. We're going to go save Yahiko and then we're going to go home, okay?"  
  
Kenshin shrugged. "That's what I've been wanting to do all along, Sano."  
  
"Home? We're going home? YAY WE'RE GOING HOME!" Cam smiled again and hugged both of the guys at the same time. "But I have to go to my own home...I can't stay with you guys, as much as I want to..." She looked sad.  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke tried to hold it in, really they did, but their relieved laughter burst forth all the same. They were so glad that they didn't have to put up with this psycho much longer. Pretty soon she had to go home, and then she would be terrorizing some OTHER poor universe! The two of them laughed so hard they were clutching each other for support, tears streaming down their cheeks.  
  
Cam poked her head in between them. "Whoooooo, are you a couple of yaoi boys?" She made her eyebrows jump up and down.  
  
"We most certainly are NOT!" Sano let go of Kenshin in disgust. "I'm as straight as an arrow, missy! ...Now Kenshin on the other hand..."  
  
"Oro! I'm not gay either, Sanosuke," Kenshin told him with a glare.  
  
"Well you never know," Cam pointed out. "What with the pink shirt and everything. Just like Kurama's pink outfit! And yes it IS pink, you rabid fangirls, no matter what you say it isn't going to make his suit ANY less pink!!!!!!" She screamed at the sky. Kenshin and Sano exchanged blank looks. This was to be expected of her, after all. She had already proven that she was QUITE the insane one.  
  
"Oh for the love of GAWD I just want to freaking rescue YAHIKO DAMMIT CAN'T WE JUST DO THAT ALREADY!?!!" Kenshin yelled, pulling at his hair.  
  
Cam shrugged. "Okay. We can do that, let's go. I know where to find Mr. Stranger."  
  
O.0;; "You do?" Kenshin gave her the 'you-better-not-be-screwing-with-me' look.  
  
"Yeah, sure," she replied, actually sounding normal, which was a miracle in itself.  
  
"How is that possible?" Sano demanded.  
  
Cam held up the script. "Well it says in the script that I know exactly where Mr. Stranger is keeping Yahiko. He's in a dark cave about two hundred feet away from where we're standing right now...just on the other side of the forest, actually."  
  
Both Kenshin and Sano facevaulted, and lay twitching on the ground for the next few minutes.  
  
Cam crossed her arms patiently and watched them. "Are you both done yet? I'd like to get going..."  
  
Sano jumped to his feet. "Sure, fine. Friggin' on Kenshin," he said, pulling the swirly-eyed samurai to his feet. And so the three of them headed towards the lair of Mr. Stranger, where hopefully, if all goes according to plan, they would find Yahiko and kick Mr. Stranger's fruity butt.

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_Stay tuned for more happy fun, plotless humor!_


	9. The Threesome Picks Up A Stray!

**73h 3V1L 7V (L1([]3R 7h1N6 FR0M 73h FU7UR3**

_(even if you can't read 1337, you SHOULD know what it says by NOW (wish they'd let me use all the right characters /mad at them/))  
_  
Chapter 9!!!!!

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Kade: Wow...um...you know, I can't even remember what happened in the last chapter, since it's been so long since I updated this. My gawd, I'm sorry! I'm such a BAD BAD KADE! Well anyway, this is the disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN RUROUNI KENSHIN, YU YU HAKUSHO, YU-GI-OH!, TRIGUN, INUYASHA, GETBACKERS, E-BAY, TOYS R US, OR ANYTHING ELSE I MIGHT MENTION IN THIS SO-CALLED "FANFIC". THE ONLY THING I OWN IS THE STORY ITSELF AND CAM HARVAY.  
  
Vash: AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!! eating the deluxe box of one hundred donuts that Kade bought for him  
  
Okay, enough disclaimer crap, let's get on with the story!

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Mr. Stranger was laughing in his cave again, that same stupid girlish giggle that Yahiko couldn't stand. It drove him bonkers every time he heard it. It made him want to run and bash his head against the wall multiple times, which would probably give him brain damage, but anything was better than the kind of torture he was currently subject to.  
  
"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!" Mr. Stranger cried out, spinning around a couple times and bouncing up and down with his hands held up in front of him like a ditzy girl. He looked at Yahiko and pointed towards the 72" color television that he had been watching for the past two hours. "ESTELLE JUST DUMPED YORO FOR HIS BROTHER'S EX-GIRLFRIEND'S MOTHER'S FRIEND'S BROTHER'S SON'S WIFE'S BEST FRIEND'S COUSIN'S EX-LOVER!! I can't believe that! Oooohhh that girl is gonna be sorry I'm telling you, the man is NO GOOD!" He shook his head sadly while Yahiko stared at the television in wonder, his eyes bugging out of his head.  
  
"Where did that thing COME FROM!?" He asked. Never in his life had Yahiko seen anything quite like THAT machine in the corner! After all, TV's simply didn't exist in the Meiji era.  
  
Mr. Stranger laughed and waved a hand. "Oh you silly, they sell just about everything on E-Bay now-a-days!"  
  
"What the hell is an E-Bay?"  
  
"AGGHHHH!!!" Mr. Stranger screamed and clutched the sides of his head. "I DON'T KNOW, REALLY! I'm serious gurlfriend, I like don't have the 411 'n stuff okay! Don't look at me like that either, omg! That like is like...TOTALLY freaky! I mean it reminds me of this one time when I went into the beauty salon, and like this chick was standing behind me while I was getting my manicure..."  
  
Yahiko let out a loud groan of frustration. Wasn't anybody ever going to save him? Didn't anybody care? Would he forever be trapped inside this cave with a complete NIMROD?! The mere thought of it was enough to make him wish for an instant death. He looked at Mr. Stranger with half-closed eyes, extremely bored. The author had forgot to describe this strange man who was very strange, up until now anyway. Mr. Stranger was dressed completely in black. Only his eyes were showing, and they were a bright blue color. Yahiko didn't know why such a lame villain would even bother to dress like a ninja, especially when the costume really didn't serve any purpose. After all, during the kidnapping process, Mr. Stranger and Yahiko passed right through town in the middle of the afternoon! Why nobody helped him out then was beyond any reasonable explaination except that either the people were blind, too stupid to know when somebody was in danger, or all hated Yahiko. Possibly all three. My, isn't that a lovely thought?  
  
"...and so like then she was all up in my face, so I was like BITCH PLEASE! Don't be all up on me just because you were too slow to get the last bottle of super-conditioning moisturizer from the top shelf! OMG like you should totally get a life! And then do you know what she did next? DO YOU? I'll tell you just what happened, then she grabbed a fistful of my hair that I JUST HAD PERMED, and she..." Mr. Stranger kept pacing back and forth and waving his hands as he talked animatedly and re-enacted the events of that fateful day at the beauty salon. As if Yahiko gave a damn. As if the world was his stage. As if he was the only one in the universe who ever had anything remotely interesting happen to him. As if he was the most important person alive. As if...well, you get the idea.  
  
Yahiko squeezed his eyes shut and willed Kenshin to come and rescue him--and fast!

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The said samurai, however, was having problems of his own.  
  
"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES!! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES..." Cam skipped along the dirt road ahead of Kenshin and Sanosuke, singing the same song she had been singing for the past half an hour. Didn't that chick EVER run out of steam? Kenshin wasn't quite sure how much more annoyances he could take, and his patience was definitely growing thin. Sano, on the other hand, was ready to pounce on her and strangle her until she had no more breath to sing with.  
  
"I am SO getting drunk the second we get back," he mumbled to himself.  
  
"Are we there yet?" Kenshin groaned, beginning to get very tired. If he got too tired, would he be able to fight? Exactly how tough WAS this strange Mr. Stranger anyway? Was he even tough at all? Could he fight? What if he punched Kenshin, and then Kenshin got knocked out? Could he do that? Could Sanosuke finish the fight if Kenshin got knocked out like that? What were they all going to have for supper once Mr. Stranger was defeated? Why is the author asking all these retarded questions?  
  
"I wish," Sanosuke responded, sounding extremely grumpy. Why on earth would he be grumpy?  
  
Up ahead, Cam suddenly stopped her horrendous howling and screamed loudly. "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke exchanged weary glances. What NOW? They both looked up to see her standing next to a brown-haired young man dressed in purple robes and carrying a gold-colored staff. He was giving her a perverted smirk.  
  
Cam grinned and yelled, "MIROKU JUST GRABBED MY BUTT!"  
  
Kenshin sweatdropped, and Sano face-vaulted. "WHAT THE HELL IS THERE TO BE HAPPY ABOUT?!" He shouted once he got to his feet.  
  
Cam just gave him a cat-like smile and blushed. "Miroku is my favorite guy from--uh...well I just love Miroku! I want him to be my hunky lover-man..." She closed her eyes and sighed dreamily; sick fantasies running through her mind that nobody really cared to know about. She probably completely forgot that Miroku was still standing there, and still had his hand attached to her butt.  
  
"When will this end?" Kenshin asked, as he grew all swirly-eyed once more.  
  
Sanosuke looked up at the sky. "Please tell me...I've never really been a religious guy, but I ask you, God, am I being punished for something?"  
  
Meanwhile Miroku had taken both of Cam's hands in his, and was looking into her eyes. "Lady Cam, I am cursed and therefore my life may be short...will you bear my child?"  
  
Cam had miraculously snapped out of her daydream long enough to hear what he said, and little hearts suddenly appeared in her eyes. "Oh Miroku, yes I will! Cuz I looooooove you! And you're soooo damn sexy, I just want to take you into the bushes and--MMMMPH!" Cam protested as Sanosuke clamped a hand over her mouth right before she could say anything that would scar him for life.  
  
Miroku frowned at Sanosuke. "Keep your hands to yourself, so that I may hear Lady Cam's lovely words!"  
  
Cam pulled Sano's hand off her mouth. "Yeah! Look, why don't you two bug off so me and my lover-man can have some quality time together?"  
  
Kenshin looked at Miroku in disapproval. "Miss Camille, how can you say that? You have no way of knowing whether this man in sincere or not!"  
  
Cam looked at Kenshin as if he had grown two heads. "Sincere? Kenshin, I don't care if he's sincere or not...he's hott!!" Having said that, Cam began to get as close as humanly possible to the lecherous monk, trying not to drool all over his robes.  
  
Sanosuke clenched his fists. "What! Grrr...he's just a stupid monk! And a perverted one at that! He'll probably ditch you the minute he gets what he wants from you! You stupid girl, just come away from him and let's go frickin' rescue Yahiko like we've been trying to do for the past week or so!"  
  
Miroku looked offended. "I will do no such thing! Lady Cam has just agreed to bear my child...I could never leave her! I'm insulted that you would even suggest it. Why don't YOU just bug off?" He turned to Cam and whispered, "Is he an ex-boyfriend or something?"  
  
"No way!" Cam shook her head. "He's just a big meanie who always gets mad whenever things don't go his way. Now...about those bushes..."  
  
"DAMMIT ALL, THIS IS RETARDED!!" Sanosuke shouted angrily. "I'M SICK OF ALL THIS SIDE-STORY CRAP HAPPENING EVERY TIME WE GET A LITTLE CLOSER TO KICKING THAT MR. STRANGER GUY'S ASS! Listen Mark, you'd better get your hands off that girl before I tie you to a boulder and throw you into a lake!"  
  
Kenshin put a hand on Sano's shoulder. "Just calm down, Sanosuke. Let me handle this...oh and I believe his name is 'Miroku'."  
  
"Whatever!" Sanosuke scowled and crossed his arms, looking over at a tree that had suddenly become very interesting.  
  
Kenshin turned his attention to Miroku, who was making googly eyes at Cam as his hand...uh...wandered. "A-hem...Mr. Miroku, Cam is currently involved in a mission with the two of us. You see, she is supposed to be helping us find an evil villain who kidnapped our friend, a boy named Yahiko. We really need her help, so if you would be so kind..."  
  
Cam suddenly looked sad. "Kenshin...I'm not just leaving him here! He's my dream hottie, my lover-man, my main bitch, my sexy god..."  
  
"ENOUGH!" Sanosuke was about to tear his hair out...really, he was! And took him so long to get his hair all spiked up in the right directions, too! But if he got fed up enough, well then dammit, that hair was gonna fly!  
  
Cam blinked. "I have an idea!!"  
  
Suddenly Sanosuke toppled over, in a dead faint.  
  
"Was it something I said?" Cam wondered, looking confused. She glanced at Kenshin questioningly. "What's wrong with him?"  
  
Kenshin sweatdropped. "Well I believe he was just so shocked that you said you had an idea, it just made him faint...er...what was that idea?" He asked the question knowing full well that he was probably going to regret doing so.  
  
"LET MIROKU COME WITH US!!!" Cam grinned broadly, making chibi eyes at Kenshin. "PWWEEEEAAAASSSSE?! He'll be a big help too! He has this really neat tunnel that like SUCKS UP EVERYTHING and he can kick ass too! Come on, please say yes! He really wants to come, right Miroku?" She poked Miroku, who nodded his head vigorously.  
  
"Ah, yes I would be honored to join you on your travels, sir." Miroku bowed politely.  
  
Kenshin sweatdropped AGAIN. "Er...but Cam, I do not think that Sanosuke would be very happy about this, de gozarou..."  
  
"SO WHAT?" Cam pouted. "Who cares what that meanie thinks! He never wants me to have any fun at all! Come on come on come on come on come on! Please please please, pretty please with sugar and candy and ice cream and cherries and sprinkles on top?"  
  
Kenshin bit his lip. "Well...I really can't say 'no' to that...I suppose it would be alright if he comes with us, as long as the two of you behave yourselves."  
  
"YAY!!" Cam jumped up in the air and then turned around to glomp Miroku. "I'M SO HAPPY! YAY YAY YAY! And don't worry, Kenshin...I GUESS we can behave...cuz there's plenty of time for REAL fun later, right lover-man?" She winked at Miroku, who blushed and nodded.  
  
"Indeed there is, Lady Cam..."  
  
Kenshin sighed. Nope, Sanosuke wasn't going to like this AT ALL...

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AN: Yeah, sorry for taking so long to update. I finally feel like writing again! I'M SO HAPPY YAY! And even though Miroku is one of my favorite characters, I just couldn't help doing that...LOL. Poor Sano, he's gonna have a fit. But wait! There's more! If possible...I have FINALLY figured out a plot for this story! AMAZERING! hears the gasps of surprise from all the readers Yes yes, I know. It's a miracle isn't it? Ah yes...well anyway, I know you're all going to want to throw something at me for not updating in MONTHS, but hey, just don't throw mangos...that's MY thing okay? Bwahaha!


	10. More Unexpected Guests and OMG STUFF!

**Thhheeeee Eeeeevvvviiiilllll TV Cllliiiiiickeeerrrrrr Frroooommmmm Thheeee Fuuuutuuuurrre Part 10:** **Thank GAWD it's almost over!**

_::now available in 12 new flavors, including fat-free cotton candy flavored yogurt with peanut butter topping!::_

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A note from the lazy author:: _OMG! Am I UPDATING? AUGH! It's like totally completely the end of the freakin' world here! Well...jeez I just wanna finish this up so I can write another ETVCT fic about another anime...mwahaha...with random fangirling and the usual insanity! Ahaha! I'm so cool! Now read, my little minions, read!  
_

_

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_  
  
Alright, so when we last left off, Cam and company were about to go and rescue Yahiko...weren't they? They'd devised a plan and invited Miroku to tag along with them...alright so it was Cam's idea, but who's keeping track? The trio walked down the dirt path that would, according to Cam, lead them right to Mr. Stranger's hideout. Unless, of course, Cam's sense of direction was as bad as her taste in men.  
  
Kenshin staggered along behind Cam and Miroku, who both seemed bound together at their hands. He had been carrying the unconscious Sanosuke over his shoulder for the past three miles. Now those of you with good memories will recall that Mr. Stranger's hideout was only supposed to be a mile down the road. This is very true, however you have to add in the extra two miles it took for the four of them to take a detour into town for a nice ramen dinner (which Cam volunteered Kenshin to treat them all to). Sanosuke had been unconscious the entire time, slumped over onto the table beside Kenshin with swirly eyes, so they had packed up his ramen and put it into a doggy bag which was currently strapped to Kenshin's back as well.  
  
Cam stopped and turned around, her free hand resting on her hip impatiently. "Kenshin! Hurry up, we don't have all night you know!" It was simply amazing that ten chapters had passed and it was finally getting dark. As Miroku grabbed her ass again, they watched Kenshin's knees begin to buckle under the weight he was carrying. After all he was only a little guy. Even Cam was taller than he was. "Hey! Suck it up you sissy boy, are you a man or what?" Cam began to tap her wristwatch repeatedly, signalling for him to hurry up.  
  
"Oro..." Kenshin began to sweat. "I'm doing the best I can, that I am..."  
  
"Well your best needs to get better mister, or we'll never rescue Yahiko! ...Maybe you should just leave Sagara behind...he's only dead weight and he's slowing us down."  
  
"That's quite cruel of you to say," Kenshin panted as he climbed the last few feet up the hill they'd been ascending. "He DID save your life you know."  
  
Cam, who was acting very bitchy because the author just decided to make her that way, only snorted, "Pah...I could have saved myself you know! If you're going to take forever, then me and my HUNKY LOVER-MAN can just go into those bushes over there and--"  
  
"A-hem!" Kenshin cleared his throat. "If you wish to do that, I'm simply going on without you. It's obvious that you really don't care about rescuing Yahiko, so there's really no need to continue traveling together."  
  
Cam hung her head in shame. He was right, the gnomes would never reach the end of the rainbow with the evil clowns in their way...oh wait, that was something else. At any rate, she felt ashamed of the way she'd been acting. If this was a movie, she would blame the writer, but since she's only a character in a twisted, nonsensical fanfic, all she could do was whatever the writer made her do.  
  
"Kenshin...I'm really sorry," she said quietly. "Here...let me carry some of that junk for you."  
  
Kenshin gave her a smile. "Thank you," he said as he began to hand over some of the large suitcases she was also making him lug around.  
  
Cam stopped him, shaking her head. "Oh no, I didn't mean those...I was talking about Sanosuke!"  
  
Kenshin almost face-vaulted, although considering everything he was currently carrying, that would have been a huge mistake. "You want to carry Sano? He's a lot heavier than your suitcases..."  
  
"Oh I can handle it, trust me, I'm tough! I'm BEEFY!" She struck a pose, which really only made her look even more retarded, if that was even possible for somebody like her. "Now come on, hand him over! Actually, toss him to me!!!"  
  
Kenshin knew it wouldn't be a good idea to just throw Sanosuke around like a sack of potatoes, so instead he ignored her and gently set his friend onto her back. "Are you sure you can hold him?"  
  
Cam nodded vigorously, now carrying Sanosuke piggy-back style. "Yeah yeah I got him! No worries, you can count on me!" The second the last word escaped her mouth, she slowly and comically toppled over backwards onto the ground--er, actually Sanosuke was on the ground and she fell onto him.  
  
Kenshin just stared at her for a second, before helping her back up. "I think it's best if I carry Sanosuke, that I do. But thank you for offering." Somehow he managed to pick up Sano and place him over his shoulder again without dropping anything he was carrying. "But would you please carry some of these suitcases?"  
  
Cam grinned and dusted herself off. "Oh, alright. Hand 'em over!"  
  
Kenshin placed three of her suitcases into her outstretched arms. "What's in these suitcases anyway? They're heavy!"  
  
"Bricks," she answered with a cheery smile.  
  
"B-bricks? Oro...oro...the question 'why' comes to mind...although I'm really not sure I even want to know..."  
  
Miroku just stood there the whole time, being unusually quiet and staring at them with a blank expression on his face. Why? Because...well, just because. Maybe he was feeling stupid, who knows? And if so, really, who can blame him? After all, he's in a fanfic that has absolutely no point at all. That would leave anyone feeling just a little lost, don't you think?  
  
"ANYWAY!" Cam suddenly exclaimed as she stood up straight with her suitcases, looking all serious for probably the first time in her life. "Kenshin...you truly are a motivational speaker. Your words, they really touched my heart and now I feel like I can do anything if I put my mind to it!" She sighed as she received a childhood flashback. "I swear, I haven't been this moved in years, ever since that day when my mother said 'CAM!!! GET DOWN FROM THAT TELEPHONE POLE RIGHT NOW YOU IDIOT!!!!' I know we've come an awful long way since we met...we've made friends and enemies together...but..." She began to sniffle and chibi tears poured out of her eyes, "I'll never forget what you said...that one word, it changed me completely! It's so simple, yet means so much: 'Oro'...it was totally inspiring!!!"  
  
Kenshin, ignoring all the weight that currently depended on him, twitched and promptly fell over.  
  
Cam smiled at him. "Ah, Kenshin...I know my words really had an effect on you. I tend to do that to people. They find me downright inspirational myself! But please, this isn't about me. I must thank you for all that you've done for me. From this day forward, I'm a changed woman!!!"  
  
Miroku suddenly had stars in his eyes, and he began to clap. "YAY CAM! THAT WAS TERRIFIC!!" He hopped up and down in a very OOC manner, giggling like a schoolgirl on crack.  
  
Cam bowed. "Thank you, my lovely bishounen of sexiness! Now...LET'S GET THAT MR. STRANGER PERSON!!"  
  
"Right, right..." Kenshin sat up and gathered everything he'd dropped when he hit the ground. "Oro..." He noticed Cam and Miroku skipping merrily in the direction of a dark cave entrance. "C-Cam! Please wait for me!" Scrambling to his feet, Kenshin took off running as fast as he could go under the weight of Sanosuke and other various objects. "It could be dangerous, de gozarou...you must not go in there by yourselves!"  
  
Cam turned around and shrugged. "Why the hell not? By now all the readers know that Mr. Stranger is just a random, lame pansy-ass excuse of a villain with homosexual tendencies."  
  
Kenshin let out a mushroom sigh. "At any rate...I'm afraid we're going to have to leave this extra luggage outside. We can't have it getting in the way should we become involved in battle, that we most certainly cannot."  
  
Cam smirked. "Yeah...Sano would only get in the way anyway...hahaha! I made a funny!"  
  
Kenshin just rolled his eyes and sighed. "That isn't what I meant at all." He put down the suitcases and Sano's doggy bag. Sano, who was still very much unconscious for some strange reason, remained draped over one of Kenshin's shoulders.  
  
Cam clapped her hands together. "Alright. Now let's go KICK SOME ASS!" She jumped in the air and pumped her fists, excited that they were all finally at the one point in the fanfic that nobody thought they would ever get to--the actual fight! (I was going to say 'climax'...but to me, that just sounds too dirty...hehehe).  
  
Kenshin nodded. "Yes, indeed. It's time to get back what we've lost."  
  
Suddenly two men appeared in a huge puff of smoke in front of them. One of them, an adorable blond with spikey hair and gorgeous brown eyes, and the other an ugly brown haired guy....... _::cough::_.....err, just kidding!! Couldn't resist... A-hem, I mean a hott sexy guy whose brown hair was even spikier than the blond's and had piercing deep blue eyes partially masked by purple sunglasses. They stood back to back, looking pleased with themselves.  
  
The brown-haired guy smirked. "Lost something important, I hear? Well consider yourselves lucky, because we're having a special today. I'm Ban Midou..."  
  
"And I'm Ginji Amano!" The blond added cheerfully.  
  
"We're the GetBackers. We 'get back' what shouldn't be gone, with a success rate of..." Ban coughed just then, and the three of them could swear they heard the word 'almost' hidden in the cough, "...one hundred percent! Of course, we don't work cheap...but if you've got the cash, then we've got the time!" He gave them all his best salesman smile, while Ginji sweatdropped.  
  
"............" Kenshin stared at them, too busy wondering how they got there to process what they were saying.  
  
"Ummm guys...I think you have the wrong series," Cam pointed out. "GetBackers is a few alternate dimensions to the left of here..."  
  
"Oh really?" Ginji scratched the back of his head, looking a little embarrassed. "Ban-chan...we messed up..."  
  
Ban shoved his hands into his pockets. "Tch! Damn confusing interdimensional portals!" Ban grumbled. "I swear I don't get paid enough to waste time screwing around like this... Well come on Ginji, we're outta here."  
  
"Hai!" Ginji grinned and nodded, and the two of them disappeared in the same puff of smoke they appeared in.  
  
"Well..." Kenshin said after they had gone. "That certainly was strange, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yeah..." Cam answered. "But that blond guy sure was cute!"  
  
"HMPH! He wasn't that great," Miroku pouted and crossed his arms.  
  
"AWWWW is my honey-sweetie-baby-darling-hottie-lover-man jealous?" Cam patted Miroku's head (errr that sounds wrong too...meep...I didn't mean it like THAT jeez! Oh just ignore me, I've had way too much caffiene today...). "Ok Kenshin, let's finally go save Yahiko and put an end to this pathetic fanfic!"  
  
Kenshin nodded. "Alright. I'm glad we're finally getting somewhere. If you're ready, then let's go into the cave."  
  
"Yeah! I'm ready to rock!" Cam grinned and skipped into the cave like the happy little lunatic she was, dragging Miroku behind her. Kenshin strode in after them, ready for anything with Sanosuke still slung over his shoulder like dead weight.  
  
What's going to happen next? You're all going to have to wait for the next chapter (which will also be the conclusion of this fanfic (FINALLY)) to find out! Stay tuned, loyal...fans? Err...or 'readers that are bored out of their minds to read this crap', either way, see ya then!

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Another note from the lazy author:: _... Oh yeah, and a word to the wise: messing with the hyper can be hazardous to your health. Bwahaha! I had so much coffee today I swear if you pricked me, I'd bleed the stuff. WHOO! Yeah, my hand was shaking as I poured my fourth cup...think I'm hyper yet?? A-hem well anyways...yes, the next chapter is going to be the LAST for this story. Although it won't be the last Evil TV Clicker Thing fanfic. I won't stop until I've invaded every anime! Mwahahahahaha I'm so evil and stuff...or something. Anyway yeah...I'll try to get the next chapter posted sooner and not wait months to update...ehehe...hehe...right. Anyway, I know you'll all be good little readers and review, right?! ::smiles sweetly::_


	11. Last Chapter, The Horrible Conclusion!

**The Evil TV Clicker Thing From The FUTURE Part 11: The Horrible Conclusion, OMG SO BAD!**

_::warning: Fanfic may be hazardous to your health...those of stable mentality are strongly recommended to get out while you still can...you have been warned!::_

A note from the stupid-ass author:: _OMG OMG OMG IT'S THE ENDING!! Aww I hope you guys aren't too sad...I'm not. Hell, I finally get to free myself of the ties that bind me to this fanfic! You DO know that none of this was EVER planned in advance...it was all completely random! Randomness is totally spatular! ...Did that make sense? ::pat pat:: There there, faithful minions. Have a cookie! ::cheesy grin:: And remember, sanity is over-rated!_

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The cave was dark when they entered...I mean of course it was dark, it was a friggin' cave after all. Kenshin wished he'd thought to bring a torch along with them, but alas they were forced to stumble around in complete darkness. Everything was completely quiet save for the random dripping noises, the pitter-patter of footsteps, and the sound of everyone breathing.  
  
Suddenly the silence was broken. "Are we there yet?" Cam whined. "I'm really starting to get bored."  
  
"You're really starting to get annoying," Kenshin mumbled.  
  
"What was that, Kenshin?"  
  
"Oh...nothing, nothing at all."  
  
"Hey, look," Miroku interrupted as he stopped in front of them. Of course they couldn't see him stop, so everyone ran into him and practically knocked him over before they realized he meant for them to stop as well.  
  
"Lover-man! What gives?" Cam rubbed her forehead.  
  
"There is a light up there, near the end of this tunnel," he explained.  
  
"That must be where Yahiko is being kept," Kenshin deducted.  
  
"Well then...let's go get the little brat!" Cam took off towards the light. What she was going to do when she got there, she didn't know...since she was an idiot, after all. It's not like she could do a whole lot, either...well except for getting everyone into worse trouble. And she was very good at that. Oh yes indeed she was. Also, for those of you who aren't quick enough to catch on by now, she had a real knack for pissing people off and annoying the hell out of them. Just what WAS her purpose anyway? The world may never know.  
  
Kenshin sighed and trudged after her, wishing Sanosuke would regain consciousness soon. If things were to get messy, he'd need all the help he could get. "M-Miss Camille!" Kenshin called out. "You really should wait for me!"  
  
Cam stopped at the light, which turned out to be the entrance to a bright room, and turned around. "IT'S OKAY KENSHIN I CAN SEE YAHIKO FROM HERE!!" She screamed, waving back to him. "THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM! THEY'RE LOOKING AT ME...HI!!!!" She turned and waved to Yahiko, who couldn't see her anyway because he was tied up and had his back to her, and Mr. Stranger, who had been sitting cross-legged in a leopard print chair.  
  
Mr. Stranger, the weird man...er, he-she...clad in a black ninja outfit, suddenly perked up upon being greeted. "Oh hello there! Welcome, WELCOME to my evil lair! Please do come in and make yourselves at home, I just had the entire place redecorated! See? Don't those rainbow curtains go GREAT with the rocky cave walls? EEEE! It was all thanks to my creative genius!" He jumped up and down, clapping his hands together with glee. "And now that you're all here, we can really have a party! Check out these cute doilies I picked up the other day!" He began waving around some lacy pink fabric. "OMG I ALMOST FORGOT! You simply HAVE to see the makeover I gave Yahiko!" He ran to the chair where Yahiko was tied up, and spun it around. "OOOOHHH ISN'T HE JUST PRECIOUS!!!"  
  
Kenshin, having finally caught up to Cam and Miroku, got a good look at Yahiko and almost fell over again. Yahiko was wearing a hot pink ruffly prom dress. His hair had been curled, and his face was covered in makeup; mascara had been applied to his now thick, luscius eyelashes, dark pink lipstick decorated his lips, bubble-gum pink eyeshadow brought out the sparkles in his eyes, and his blushing pink cheeks were shining with body glitter. Yahiko looked...well, just like a girl. The expression on his face, however, was not the least bit feminine at all.  
  
"Kenshin...." Yahiko's voice was dangerously low.  
  
"Err hello there Yahiko..." Kenshin sweatdropped.  
  
"I'm not sure whether to kiss his hand or put him out of his misery," Miroku whispered to Cam, who just nodded dumbly.  
  
"Kenshin...." Yahiko repeated, or rather growled.  
  
"Yahiko...we've come to rescue you, that we have," Kenshin reassured him, sounding quite nervous. The others could plainly see his knees shaking; although that was most likely due to the fact that he was still carrying an unconscious man on his shoulder.  
  
Nobody could see it under the mask, but they all knew that Mr. Stranger was grinning. "Isn't he GORGEOUS?! OMG I THINK IT'S LIKE MY BIGGEST MASTERPIECE YET!" He clasped his hands as he gazed proudly at his model, chibi tears pouring down his cheeks. "So lovely...just TOTALLY FABULOUS! Now then...why don't we all sit around my new kitchen table and drink some tea! Doesn't that sound like fun?!"  
  
Kenshin shook his head mutely. "N-no thank you...oro...sir, we have come to rescue our friend Yahiko, that we have..."  
  
Mr. Stranger looked apalled. "RESCUE? From WHAT?!" Suddenly his face went blank, and then realization struck. "Ooohhhh, that's right...the whole 'kidnapping' thing...oh my, well I suppose I can't blame you then. Shall we commence to the battlefield? Or perhaps you would like some time to strategize? Or maybe we could discuss this some more, well, whatever you decide I have no preference!" He began to chuckle, and only then did he notice that Kenshin was already on his way out of the cave with Yahiko slung over his other shoulder. "Oh dear...this wasn't at all what I had in mind."  
  
Cam ran after Kenshin. "But KENSHIN! Shouldn't we kick his ass?"  
  
Kenshin shook his head. "It just wouldn't seem right...that man doesn't seem to know what he's doing at all!"  
  
Mr. Stranger chased them to the entrance of the cave. Then he stood there and waved to them all. "HEY! LIKE DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK AND VISIT ME SOMETIME! TOODLES!!"  
  
Back at Kaoru's::  
  
"Kenshin!" Kaoru cried out as they all came walking back; well, Kenshin had Yahiko and the sleeping Sano over each of his shoulders, and Cam was riding on Miroku's back (dammit why does that sound so WRONG? Anyways...). She ran over to Kenshin and the others, looking very stressed out. "You've been gone for THREE WHOLE DAYS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED I WAS ABOUT YOU GUYS?! AND WHY THE HELL DID YOU KIDNAP THAT LITTLE GIRL?! FOR SHAME!!"  
  
"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed as he gently set both Sanosuke and the drag queen--whoops I mean Yahiko--down onto the ground. "This is Yahiko, Miss Kaoru, no need to panic. He's just been through an awful lot during the past few days, that he has."  
  
Yahiko glared at Kaoru. "One word out of you, ugly, and I'll make you wish you were never born!"  
  
Well he didn't have to worry about hearing any words from Kaoru; she was too busy rolling on the ground laughing to even attempt a proper insult. Yahiko scowled. He would never live this down.  
  
"Wow you guys...that sure was exciting!" Cam exclaimed. Miroku grabbed her ass again and she giggled like a schoolgirl. "So...NOW what do you want to do?!"  
  
"Cam..." Kenshin began, looking to Kaoru, Megumi, and Yahiko for support.  
  
"GO HOME!!!" The four of them yelled together, their heads growing four times in size and their teeth becoming pointy and angry-looking.  
  
"Oh..." Cam sighed. "Well...I guess I probably SHOULD get home soon. It was nice meeting you guys, though!" She gave them all a cheerful grin, but only got blank, exhausted stares in return. "Right, right...oh Miroku, my lovely!! You're coming with me, right? Or maybe we can go to the Inuyasha universe instead!"  
  
Miroku blinked, and suddenly remembered a fact mentioned in chapter one. "Lady Cam...I cannot go with you, for it has been revealed to me that you already have a boyfriend..."  
  
"OMG! PETER!!" Cam's jaw dropped. "Whoa isn't that weird how I COMPLETELY forgot about him?!"  
  
"Oro..." Was all Kenshin could say in reply.  
  
Miroku vanished in a puff of purple smoke without another word. How very odd. But nobody dwelled on it; instead they carried on as if he had never even been there at all.  
  
Cam fished around in her pocket and retrieved the TV Clicker Thing. "Allllriiiiiight, well I'll see you guys around...well, on the TV anyway." She winked at them and pressed the 'home' button on the remote control. Yes, it's true that most remote controls don't have a 'home' button installed on them, but for now we'll pretend that they do because it's more convenient that way. She disappeared in a puff of yellow smoke, gone forever back to her own universe where she belonged. Nobody was going to miss her.  
  
Sanosuke suddenly sat up and yawned loudly, stretching his arms above his head. "Wow...I feel so refreshed!" He looked at Kenshin and Yahiko, and blinked. "Did I miss something?"  
  
**The End!**

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A note from the relieved author:: _Wow...after over a year, this story is FINALLY finished! It's not that it took forever to write...it just...took forever to write. X-x Man don't you hate how we can't use underscores now? I really liked those...I couldn't even make Kenshin's swirly eyes anymore, TRAVESTY!! Anyway...so what, were you expecting some long, drawn-out battle? Sorry to disappoint, then. But did you honestly expect that idiot of a villain to put up any struggle at all?  
  
It's the end, it's the end, it's the end! And get this, this fanfic is the first one I've completed since I joined ! Whoa...moment of silence here, ok? Alright, for some reason I can write something completely random a lot easier than I can write something that involves thinking and planning. So for the next ETVC fic, it's either gonna be Trigun or Naruto...whichever I decide on. New character, new pathetic excuse of a villain, and more of the same good 'ole insanity that kept you reading this crap in the first place. Peace out guys! _


End file.
